As I reminisce through what has happened to me for the past three years, I have come to a realization that I was just so fucking naive.

I struggled to know who I really am.

You see, I am one that does not hold back words of appreciation and I have never failed to speak my thoughts. (Sometimes I speak without filter. And that, I learned the hard way, had a lot of drawbacks.) I looked up to my mentors, teachers and idols so much that I wanted to BE them. I wanted to do what they do because I thought what they do is so cool. That it’s something that I myself would excel at. But as I went through all the turmoil I realized that yes, I do consider them as my inspiration and that I wanted to make myself better. To strive and be like them. But in the process of all this, I lost MY own identity. And as I ponder on this, it has left me standing on where I am reflecting on life thinking, trying to remember what happened along the way that led to this. And how would I get my identity back? Or will I ever get it back? Or maybe I should start all over again? So many troubling questions. So many “what-ifs.” So many fears.

I just pray that I find the answers as I try to decipher my own words.

Sometimes one just loses himself in the efforts of trying to “fit in.” I know the idea of giving so much effort just to try and please people we don’t even know for them to like or hopefully, accept us may be a silly or if not utterly stupid to you but believe it or not, that’s just the kind of acceptance that some-if not most people, strive for. And in the process of all this, it is just so easy for one to lose himself in every sense of the word “lost.”